Screwball Mountain
by NICE SAWA
Summary: A bunch of teams go on a fun-filled camping trip.
1. Takeoff

_Friendly note: This actually started off as a story heavily inspired by an episode of an old cartoon show, but ended up straying away from it somehow. I have no idea where it's headed at the moment._

**THE HORROR OF SCREWBALL MOUNTAIN**

It was that time again – the official yearly baseball player health checkup! Mihoshi's random makeshift coach person who also happened to be a part-time doctor went around from team to team to check their health. After doing so, he called a team meeting.

"Hey wait a minute, where's Kano?" Hatake demanded upon noticing that everyone on the team was present EXCEPT Kano.

"That's exactly what this meeting is all about," said the coach gravely. "Kano is at home resting at this moment."

"GASP!!" yelled Hatake, Miyagawa, Yoshi and Hiiragi. "YOU MEAN KANO IS SICK?! THE HORROR! THE HORROR!!" They started running around frantically while clutching their own heads.

"Now CALM DOWN!" demanded the coach. "Kano is FINE! It's just that his BLOOD PRESSURE has recently gotten a tiny bit higher than what's normal, so we have to start being extra careful around him."

"What can we DO?" wailed Hatake. "If I can't be my regular self around Kano, I'll just DIE!"

"Well, for starters, don't get him angry," the coach said. "Don't do anything to stress him out."

"But how are we supposed to keep Kano from getting angry?" Miyagawa asked. "He explodes on a regular basis!!"

"Do we even WANT to keep him from being angry?" Hatake questioned. "If Kano wants to be angry, who are we to stop him?"

"If you care about Kano's health, you'll do your best to prevent him from getting angry!" the coach declared. "So here's what I'm gonna do. I'll send you on a pleasant camping trip out in the wilderness far away from baseball, rival teams, and things that usually cause Kano to stress out! You're going to stay there for as long as I feel like making you stay, and make sure Kano gets all the peace and quiet he needs."

"WE LIVE TO SERVE KANO!!!" bellowed Hatake, Miyagawa, Yoshi and Hiiragi.

"That's the spirit!" the coach applauded them. "Now go pack your stuff and meet up at the bus stop in an hour."

"GOT IT!!" yelled the team as they darted off in different directions.

***

Meanwhile, Momoe gathered all her players around for a meeting as well!

"All right, everyone, the health check results are in!" she declared. "First of all, you may notice that Oki is missing."

"We noticed!" said Nishiura. All of them looked SO worried because they all care about each other so very much.

"Now, there's no need to worry, nothing major is wrong with him," Momoe informed them. "He just has a small nose infection and is currently being treated for it."

"Nose infection?" Izumi raised an eyebrow.

"Right!" said Momoe. "He should be done in a few hours, it's nothing to worry about!"

"Okay…" chimed everyone rather reluctantly.

"SECONDLY!" Momoe started. "This one goes out to YOU, Mihashi!"

"EEP!" said Mihashi.

"YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE IS TOO LOW!!" Momoe bellowed.

Abe immediately spoke up. "What does this mean? It won't affect his pitching, will it?"

"If we start fighting his low blood pressure immediately, it won't be a problem," said Momoe. "In his current state, Mihashi may feel dizzy and tired a lot." She pulled out a book that said 'Baby's First Health Care Book.' According to this book the Mihoshi makeshift coach gave me, the correct way to treat it would be to simply add more salt to his diet!"

"We'll go make a new diet plan for Mihashi at once," said Abe as he started making his way out of the room, but Momoe grabbed his collar.

"Hold it!" she said. "Mihashi ALSO needs a lot of rest, so I'm going to send the whole team out on a fun-filled camping trip out in the middle of nowhere, away from baseball-related stress!"

"NOOOOOOO!!" yelled everyone.

"I-I'll be fine!" Mihashi piped. "As long as I… pitch… my blood pressure will stay… fine!"

"You have NO idea what you're talking about!" Momoe laughed. "Now go and pack your bags before I sic Shiga on you."

***

What Mihoshi and Nishiura didn't know was that TOSEI of all teams had planted little spying devices in their clubhouses! After showing the little stalker videos off to the players, their coach, Wolverine, started pacing back and forth in front of them with a pointer in his hand.

"So as you can see, the team that beat us and their rival team are both going on a camping trip out in the wilderness," he said.

"SIR YES SIR!" bellowed the Tosei players.

"You know what that means, don't you?" Wolverine eyed them all.

"Um, that they won't be able to play baseball for a whole week?" Shingo tried.

"That there's some kind of blood pressure-related conspiracy going on?" Junta suggested.

"OOH, SPOOKY!" exclaimed all the Toseilings.

"SILENCE, FOOLS!!" Wolverine bellowed. "GAWRSH, you're all morons! It means that YOU'RE all going camping too, just to see what they're up to!"

"YAY CAMPING!" yelled the Toseilings as they ran off to pack their bags.

"YUTAKA!" Wolverine bellowed. "YUUUUTAKAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

"Wha-AT?" Ichihara said in a whiny tone as he rounded the corner.

"Your team is going on a camping trip," Wolverine informed him. "By going on this camping trip, you may discover some handy secrets about your rival teams which may or may not help you defeat them later. I'm giving you this opportunity because it's just embarrassing for me to have a son on a crappy team."

"Wow, I must cause you so much pain and suffering," Ichihara said sarcastically.

"SILENCE!!" Wolverine bellowed. "GO PACK YOUR BAGS AND ROUND UP YOUR TEAM AND GET GOING!"

"Whatever!" said Ichihara as he strolled off.

***

Musashino needs to be in this story too!! So like… Musashino was like… walking around and some junk… when they happened to notice something… like…

"Hoooold the phone," said Ookawa, holding out his arm for everyone to stop. "Look over there at that bus. Is that a baseball team boarding it?"

"Hey, it's that… that team!" Haruna exclaimed. "The stupid little first-year team Takaya joined!"

"NISHIura?!" said Akimaru. "Where are they going?"

"There's only one way to find out!" Ookawa declared. "HEY TAXI!!!"

"Ah, uhh, doohhh?" said the bucktoothed taxi driver who had just pulled up.

"Follow that bus!" Ookawa demanded as Musashino filed into the cab.

"Um uhhh OKAY!" said the taxi driver as he stepped on the gas pedal and sped off after the bus.

***

Mihoshi met up at the nearest bus stop.

"OH MY GOODNESS KANO ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?!" Hatake bellowed as he practically dove on top of Kano who stepped aside just in time, so he actually dove right into a post.

"Of COURSE I'm all right!" said Kano heroically. "It takes more than some high blood pressure to bring ME down!"

"Oh Kano you are so amazing!" Yoshi, Miyagawa and Hiiragi gushed.

"Excuse me, but are you guys… Mihoshi?" asked a bus driver as he came running up.

"What other team would ever wear fashionable uniforms like these?" said Hatake, pulling himself away from the post.

"Right!" said the bus driver. "Your doctor coach person sent me here to drive you off to your camping place in the middle of nowhere, are y'all ready to have some fun?!"

"OKAY," said Mihoshi as they all filed into the bus and it zoomed off. By the way, only Kano, Hatake, Miyagawa, Yoshi and Hiiragi were going because the others weren't Mihashi's old teammates and therefore unimportant.


	2. Storytime

Nishiura's bus eventually reached an area in the middle of the mountains with a bunch of cute little cabins. There was a huge sign in the middle of everything that read 'Welcome to Screwball Mountain!' in bright and cheerful letters.

"WELCOME TO SCREWBALL MOUNTAIN!!!" bellowed Aoi and Ryo with bright and cheerful voices as Nishiura reluctantly departed the bus. "THE NUMBER ONE VACATION SPOT FOR BASEBALL PLAYERS!!!"

The Nishiura players raised their eyebrows. By the way, they were all present except Oki, who would be joining them as soon as he was done with his nose operation (this is an important plot point).

"There's a vacation spot specifically for baseball players…?" Izumi wondered out loud.

"Who knew?" said Nishihiro.

"For a baseball player-specific vacation spot, it sure doesn't look… baseball-y around here," Hanai observed.

"That's because you're supposed to take a break from it, duh," said Aoi. In case you're wondering what in the world Aoi and Ryo were doing there, their team just so happened to be sponsored by Screwball Mountain, so in return, the Kasukabe players sometimes had to do volunteer work by renting cabins out to traveling baseball players and stuff.

Aoi and Ryo got behind a counter. "So what'll it be, dear customers?" they asked in unison.

"You mean we get to CHOOSE?" Tajima marveled. "Do you have cabins with pools in them? That'd be radical!"

"We have EVERYTHING!" said Ryo. "But what you get depends on your amount of cash." The twins held out their hands expectantly.

"So how much cash DO we have?" Hanai turned to the team. "Did Momokan give any of YOU…?"

"Uh-uh," the whole team shook their heads.

"Oh great, just great," Hanai mumbled under his breath. "OKAY, everyone, empty your pockets!"

Everyone did, only to discover that they didn't have much in terms of cash.

"HMMMMM!" Ryo and Aoi examined their cash carefully. "With this amount, we're afraid we can only offer you cabin number thirteen!"

"That doesn't exactly sound promising…" Sakaeguchi said nervously.

"Don't be a dweeb," said Abe.

"So here you go," said Ryo as he gave Hanai the keys to the cabin and grabbed all of his money. "It's the first cabin to the left, but we gave it the number thirteen for obvious reasons!"

"Oh, and by the way, watch out for Bignose," said Aoi in a spooky mysterious voice.

"Bignose?" Nishiura said in unison with raised eyebrows.

"Oh nothing," said Aoi. "Just the obligatory spooky camping story monster, that's all."

"Cool! Last one to the cabin's the worst at baseball!" Tajima cheered as he ran off. None of the others wanted to be the worst at baseball, so they quickly followed. As Tajima reached the cabin and opened the door, he pretty much just… tore the door out of its frame. "Wow, I guess I don't know my own strength!" he said as he tossed the door to the side where it dissolved into a pile of sawdust upon hitting the ground.

"Well! This looks… nice!" Sakaeguchi said upon entering. The cabin looked exactly like the most cliché run-down building ever, complete with broken windows and spider webs in every corner. As they turned the light on, it started flickering on and off immediately.

"Mihashi. Do you think you'd be able to settle down and rest in here?" Abe asked.

"Oh! Um…" Mihashi desperately tried to think of an answer.

"I FOUND THE BEDROOM!!!" Tajima bellowed as he emerged from a little door on the side. "It has sleeping bags and goodnight stories and everything! Come, Mihashi!" He pushed Mihashi into the bedroom where he proceeded to practically shove him into a sleeping bag.

"There sure are a lot of musty old books here," Izumi noted.

"We must read Mihashi a goodnight story!!" Tajima yelled as he sprang up and started browsing the shelves. He pulled out a random book. "How's this… Little Red Rumplestiltskin and the Three Bears and Gretel…"

Nishihiro walked over and pulled out a book. "They've got my favorite book here, It!!"

"I don't think that would make a good goodnight story…" Sakaeguchi quickly snatched the book and put it away.

"Why not?" Nishihiro looked puzzled. "It is a heartwarming tale of friendship and love!"

"Do we even HAVE to read a goodnight story?" said Hanai who was standing in a corner, looking extremely uncomfortable. "It's… uncool, somehow."

"I agree," said Abe. "We should be doing more important things, like finding out if any other baseball teams are here, and snoop on them."

"Why don't YOU go do that!" said Tajima as he pulled out another book and Hanai and Abe shrugged and left.

"OOH! Look what I found!" Mizutani exclaimed. "The story of BIGNOSE!"

"The local legend?" Suyama looked only slightly interested.

"LET'S READ THAT ONE!!!" Tajima bellowed.

"Is it a scary story, though?" said Sakaeguchi. "We shouldn't read it if it is."

"Sakaeguchi, quit being such a dweeb and let's have some fun!" said Tajima as he made himself comfortable on top of Mihashi's sleeping bag.

"I'm doing it for MIHASHI'S sake!" Sakaeguchi defended himself, looking slightly embarrassed. "Mihashi, are you okay with this story?"

"It's… okay!" Mihashi piped.

"Then here goes nothing!" Tajima pulled out a flashlight and lit it up right under his chin. He opened the book and started reading. "This is the story of BIGNOSE!"

"OOH! SPOOKY!" Mizutani exclaimed.

"We've hardly begun," said Suyama.

"Sorry, I was in the moment," said Mizutani.

"So anyway, this is the story of BIGNOSE!" Tajima repeated. "Half man, half nose."

"How is that possible?" said Izumi.

"Um… just listen!" Tajima said. "Born as a mutant freaky half man half nose creature among his perfectly normal neighbors right here on Screwball Mountain, Bignose was shunned from the very moment he reared his big ugly nose. As he grew up, none of the local children wanted to play with him. He joined the local baseball team, but he had to sit on the bench most of the time. When he was actually allowed to bat, it was only because his teammates needed something to laugh at. You see, because of his horrible nose, Bignose could not play baseball properly."

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" screamed everyone who was listening to the story.

"Whoa, is it too scary for you?" Tajima questioned.

"No, it's okay, go on!" everyone including Mihashi urged him.

"Okay, so like… one day, Bignose ran into a baseball coach," Tajima continued. "However, this particular coach was EVIL! Also, he was a part coach, part mad scientist. He invited Bignose to join his team, promising him great fame and talent! Naturally, Bignose came with the coach-scientist, only to be CUT UP INTO TINY PIECES AND RESTITCHED TOGETHER AS A HORRIBLE HALF MAN HALF NOSE CREATURE!!!"

"AAAAAHHHH—wait, wait, wait…" said everyone.

"Wasn't he a half man half nose creature to begin with?" Izumi asked.

"Yes, but apparently, the coach-scientist had turned him into a half man half nose creature… with deadly baseball skills!" Tajima explained. "And he made him play for his evil baseball team which consisted of baseball players the coach had personally mutilated into evil zombies! However, something went very wrong with Bignose. He kind of just went ballistic and destroyed the entire team, although the coach-scientist got away." Tajima paused for good measure. "Some say that the two of them still roam around on Screwball Mountain… the coach-scientist looking for new baseball players to mutilate, and Bignose looking for REVENGE. Um… the end!"

"OOOOHHH," said everyone.

"I sure hope WE won't run into Bignose or the coach-scientist person!" Mizutani started biting his nails.

"If I were to run into Bignose, I'd try to befriend him," said Sakaeguchi. "He's not evil, just misunderstood!"

"Yeah, but the coach-scientist on the other hand…!" said Nishihiro.

"Guys, it's just a dumb story," said Izumi, crossing his arms.

Sakaeguchi turned to Mihashi. "Mihashi, what would YOU do if—oh." He noticed that Mihashi had fallen asleep already!

"DAWWWW!!" said everyone as they folded their hands against their cheeks.

"I feel like being noisy!" Tajima declared. "Let's let Mihashi sleep in here while we go look for Bignose or something."

"It's just a story!" Izumi insisted as everyone except Mihashi strolled out of the room, carefully shutting the door after them.

"You're just saying that because you're SCARED!" Tajima said.

"What's there to be scared of?!" Izumi practically demanded, annoyed. "I've heard scarier stories on kiddy radio shows!"

"Hi, I'm Izumi!" Tajima started doing a bad Izumi impression. "I think I'm SO smart, and I HATE fun!!"

"I do NOT hate fun!!" Izumi yelled.

***

Meanwhile, Hanai and Abe had gone snooping around. The two of them were currently hiding behind a large boulder, watching Aoi and Ryo play cards while probably waiting for more customers.

"So this is what you do for fun?" said Hanai since he was sort of new to the whole thing.

"Sure is," said Abe.

"Did it ever occur to you that it's sort of… spooky of you to do this?" Hanai asked.

"No, why?"

"Well wouldn't YOU feel uncomfortable if someone made it their hobby to spy on you?"

"Nah," said Abe, shrugging it off. "Hey look, someone's coming!"

Someone was INDEED coming! It was an extremely fancy-looking bus that only ONE team could be fashionable enough to ride, namely Mihoshi!

"Man, despite being extremely fancy, that bus sure was SLOW!" said Yoshi as the team left the bus.

Kano waltzed up to the Kasukabe twins. "Hey. We're Mihoshi, and we have a reservation!"

"Ah yes, you ordered it over the internet, right?" said Aoi.

"Here you go, sir!" said Ryo, handing Kano a key with no further questions. "Cabin number five! Have a pleasant stay!"

Abe and Hanai watched intently as the five Mihoshilings made their way over to cabin number five, which happened to look like a small castle or something along those lines.

"They got a better cabin than us," Abe said as his eyes narrowed. "This means war."

"Let's just ignore them and hope we won't accidentally run into them," Hanai suggested. "After all, we're here to relax."

"No, MIHASHI is here to relax!" said Abe, standing up and pointing up to the sky dramatically. "I simply cannot rest in the presence of our rival team and Mihashi's old teammates!"

"Hey look, more people have arrived," Hanai notified Abe. The two of them quickly dove behind the boulder again to watch.

Specifically, the taxi containing Musashino as well as a bus containing Tosei and Sakitama had arrived on the scene!

"How many cabins will we need…?" Kazuki wondered out loud, looking over his team.

"One cabin can house a whole team, sir!" said Ryo. "So what'll it be?"

"We'll just take one, then," said Kazuki, handing Ryo and Aoi some cash Wolverine had given him in exchange for a key. Tosei ran off.

"My team will take one too!" Oyama spoke up as he did the same thing.

"You're… Sakitama, right?" said Aoi. "Some guy named Wolverine has already made reservations for you." He handed Oyama a key with a cute keychain attached.

"That is ONE adorable keychain," Daichi marveled as Sakitama strolled off to find their cabin.

"Um, yeah. What they said," said Ookawa as he walked up to the twins.

"What's HARUNA'S team doing here?!" Abe nearly yelled. Then he paused and rubbed his chin. "Actually, this may work to my advantage…"

"Uh huh," said Hanai, a little freaked out.

Hanai and Abe watched as Musashino got a key and ran off as well, then waited for a few minutes.

"Well, it doesn't look like anyone else is coming," Abe concluded. "Let's go back inside, it's time to feed Mihashi anyway."

"'Kay," said Hanai as the two of them returned to the cabin where Tajima, Sakaeguchi, Suyama, Mizutani, Izumi and Nishihiro were sitting around playing cards.


	3. Lawson

"Shinooka!" Abe called. "Shinooka? HEY, SHINOOKA!!!"

"Shinooka's not here," said Izumi. "She stayed behind with Momokan and Shiga and the cheering people."

Tajima gasped. "Then who's going to FEED us?!"

Everyone exchanged really nervous glances.

"Well, this could become a problem!" said Suyama.

"I am so hungry…" Mizutani started whining. "I can't… go on…"

"Me too!" Tajima wailed. "I haven't eaten for HOURS!"

"Now everyone stay calm, I believe I saw a convenience store mixed in somewhere between the cabins," Hanai informed them.

"I'm too hungry to MOVE!" Tajima cried. "I need Shinooka to go make me a sandwich!"

Hanai watched Mizutani and Tajima roll around on the floor while whining and clutching their stomachs with a disgusted look on his face. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself!" he said angrily. "There are starving baseball playing children in Luxembourg who have to go for WEEKS without eating, and you don't hear THEM complaining!"

"They're used to it…" Tajima said miserably.

"How do YOU know if they're whining or not?" Mizutani asked.

"Yeah Hanai, do some research to back up your statement!" said Izumi. "Um, not that I'm taking Tajima's side or anything…" He shot Tajima an angry glare.

"What, you're STILL mad at me for saying that you hate fun?" said Tajima.

"I'm not talking to you," said Izumi.

"…Actually, I DO know!" said Hanai. "I'm a part of the starving baseball playing child in Luxembourg adoption program! I send him some money every month, and in return, he sometimes sends me a letter thanking me from the very bottom of his heart!" He pulled out his wallet where he again pulled out a photograph. All the others leaned in to see a picture of a dangerously skinny-looking little boy in a tattered baseball uniform smiling weakly.

"That is so sad!" Nishihiro exclaimed.

"What a brave little man," said Suyama.

"I'm hungry," Mizutani and Tajima said in unison.

"THAT'S IT!!!" Hanai roared like Pesto from the Goodfeathers as he grabbed Tajima and Mizutani by their collars and tossed them outside. "Instead of complaining, do something productive and go get us all some food!"

"I'll go with them," said Abe, stepping outside as well. "Just to make sure we get something salty to feed to Mihashi."

"Good riddance," said Hanai as he crossed his arms and turned around.

***

"I hate my father," Ichihara informed everyone within earshot.

"We know, It-chan," droned his whole team.

"I thought joining the circus that is Sakitama would get him off my back for good, but no, he always finds a way to continue ruining my life!" Ichihara sighed dramatically.

"This isn't so bad!" said Oyama optimistically.

"I know! I LOVE camping!" Daichi agreed excitedly. "AND we got this incredibly adorable keychain!" He held out said object. It was one of those cubes filled with water with a little plastic turtle floating around inside.

Ichihara leaned over and slapped Daichi's arm.

Daichi got this really shocked look on his face. "Wh-what was that for?"

"Mosquito," said Ichihara, pointing at the splotch on Daichi's arm.

The camera then decided that it was the right time to zoom out to let the viewers see Sakitama's current location. They were currently huddled around a campfire, and the cabin they were in, cabin number zero, was in worse shape than cabin number thirteen, since like… half of it had been torn down.

"Okay, so let's try to work something out here," said Oyama. "We're on a mountain in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of other teams. How do we work things out to our advantage?"

"HMMMMMM," said Ichihara and Sawamura.

"Well if no one has any better ideas, let me suggest a STORY TIME!!" Daichi bellowed as he whipped out a copy of the story of Bignose. "I'm sure things would get more fun if we familiarize ourselves with the local legend!"

"Great idea, Daichi!" said Oyama as he slapped Daichi's back.

"Another mosquito?" said Daichi.

"No, that was a friendly back-slap," said Oyama.

"Oh," said Daichi. Sakitama proceeded to read the story, so since we've already heard it, let's skip to another team in the meantime!

***

TOSEI entered THEIR cabin. It was basically just a regular ol' cabin with a couple of bedrooms off to the side.

"Kazu-san, wanna be roommates?" Junta asked excitedly.

"You don't even have to ask!" said Kazuki.

The two of them simultaneously turned around and stared at Rio. "Want to room with us, Rio?" they asked in unison.

"No," said Rio.

"We'll take that as a yes," said Kazuki as he and Junta dragged Rio with them into their room to drop off their baggage. Shingo, Takehiko and Jin did the same in the second room, and Yamanoi got the third all to himself because he's creepy. Afterwards, all seven of them met back in the living room.

"So what do we do exactly?" said Shingo.

"Our mission apparently is to find out what Nishiura and that other team are up to," said Takehiko.

"That sounds kind of boring and stupid," said Junta.

"If it bothers you guys that much, I volunteer to go see what Nishiura is doing!" Rio declared.

"Then we're coming with you!" Junta declared, pointing at himself and Kazuki.

"You just said it sounded boring and stupid," said Rio.

"Yeah well but we remember what happened last time we ran into Nishiura," said Kazuki. "You ABANDONED us!"

"Because of that, we'll never let you out of our sight again!" Junta declared as he latched himself onto Rio.

"WhatEVER," said Rio. "Could we get going?"

The Tosei trio shrugged and GOT going.

***

Haruna, Kaguyama, Akimaru and Ookawa were sitting around in their perfectly normal-looking cabin.

"What is the point of us even BEING here?!" Kaguyama suddenly started wailing. "Sure, we're included in whatever adventures the other teams are involved in, but we're still of no importance!"

"QUIEEEEEEEEEET!!" Ookawa bellowed even though Kaguyama hadn't been wailing for THAT long. "SHEESH! We'll think of something, all right?!"

"We COULD go beat up Takaya," said Haruna, but no one took him seriously. Except maybe Kaguyama. But he didn't say anything.

"Maybe we should get to know the place a bit better," Akimaru suggested. "How about we start with the local camp story?" He whipped out, you guessed it, a copy of Bignose. So I guess it's time for us to switch to another team already.

***

"…Some say that the two of them still roam around on Screwball Mountain… the coach-scientist looking for new baseball players to mutilate, and Bignose looking for REVENGE." After finishing reading the horrible tale out loud for his teammates, Miyagawa closed the book.

"Well, that was uncool," said Kano.

"Wait a minute!" said Hatake. "Did this book imply that people with big noses can't play baseball?"

"This whole book is an insult to big-nosed people!" Yoshi declared.

"Whoever wrote this piece of crap is in for a good old fashioned pummeling!" Hatake announced as he tore the book out of Miyagawa's grasp and looked at the cover. "By Anonymous?! Figures the dweeb wouldn't have the guts to get out in the open and fight like a man!"

"Are you guys going to form another angry mob?" Kano asked, looking bored.

"YES!" yelled Hatake and Yoshi as they ran off to make speeches and flyers and posters and stuff to support their cause.

***

"Thrown out of our own HOUSE!" Mizutani wailed dramatically.

"Whoa, don't get too attached to the place," said Abe. "Let's go find that convenience store!"

"You mean that one?" said Tajima, pointing at the Lawson right next to them.

"There's a Lawson right next to us?" Abe thought out loud. "A lot of people will probably be wandering in and out of there… the snooping possibilities are endless!" If Abe were the kind of character to laugh maniacally, he would have done so. But he isn't, so he didn't. Instead, he just grinned spookily like in episode eleven.

"Um, you're being spooky again, Abe," said Mizutani.

SO LIKE, the three Nishiuralings wandered into the store.

"WELCOME!" the guy behind the counter greeted them. It was someone from ARC because apparently, ARC also had an agreement with Screwball Mountain. Specifically, this guy was the guy who looked like Sakaeguchi and always nagged at Yoshida (he had not yet been named when this was written).

"Sup," droned the Nishiuralings as they grabbed a shopping basket each and went straight for the snacks aisle.

"When people say 'salt,' I always think 'chips'," said Tajima as he started to fill his shopping basket with all kinds of bags of chips.

"Most unhealthy stuff probably has salt in it!" said Mizutani as he loaded his basket with various junk.

Abe first went to secure some of those melon pastries, then proceeded to fill his basket with REAL food since he knew Tajima and Mizutani most definitely wouldn't do it.

As they went to pay for their stuff, Mizutani suddenly came to a halt. "Wait a second, there's a huge gaping plot hole here! We were supposed to hardly have any cash with us, weren't we?"

"Yeah, well, back when Hanai asked us to empty our pockets, I hid my secret stash of money because there's no way I'd spend it on this dumb vacation," said Abe.

"Wow, so did I!" Tajima exclaimed.

"Me too!" said Mizutani. "Wow, guess great minds DO think alike!"

Abe rolled his eyes at the thought of Mizutani and Tajima's minds being as great as his.

So they all paid and strolled out of the store. Once outside, Abe cleared his throat.

"You know, I have some snooping around to do," he declared. "Why don't you go back to the cabin while I take care of my business?"

Tajima and Mizutani gasped dramatically. "You can't go wandering around alone on Screwball Mountain!" they said in unison. "What if Bignose or the demented coach-scientist show up?"

"What?" said Abe, raising an eyebrow.

"We're coming with you, Abe," said Tajima bravely.

"Yeah and there's nothing you can do to stop us, so get used to it!" said Mizutani as he placed an arm around Abe and got all comfortable.

"Whatever," said Abe.

And SO, the three of them went around and looked into the windows of the other cabins and stuff.

"This is Mihoshi's cabin," Abe informed them as they reached said building.

Tajima suddenly lit up. "You know what we should DO?" he said excitedly.

"What?" said Mizutani.

"We should write 'Kano is dumb' on a post-it note and hang it on their door!!" said Tajima.

"I see where you're going with this!" said Mizutani excitedly. "Since everyone on Mihoshi is freakishly obsessed with Kano, such a note would cause mass chaos and destruction!"

"You guys, seriously," said Abe, crossing his arms. He wasn't about to admit it, but he was actually really amused by this idea.

"Then it's decided!" said Tajima as he whipped out a post-it note, scribbled down the horrible words, and slammed it onto the door.

Mizutani and Tajima ran off giggling, and Abe followed, giggling on the INSIDE.


	4. Oki Returns

"Guys, do you think I hate fun?" Izumi asked Hanai, Sakaeguchi, Suyama and Nishihiro.

"Is… that a trick question?" asked Nishihiro.

"No!" said Izumi. "I'm serious! Do I look like someone who'd hate fun to you guys?"

"Um… sure, Izumi," said Hanai warily.

"ALAS!" wailed Izumi, striking a pose of despair.

"That's just our opinion, though!" said Nishihiro, giving him the thumbs up. "Don't let it bother you! After all, the only person who TRULY knows whether or not you hate fun is YOU, Izumi!"

"YOU'RE NOT HELPING," said Izumi.

"Everyone, be quiet for a minute," Sakaeguchi hushed everyone. "Do you hear that?"

Everyone got really quiet, and their attentions quickly turned themselves to the entrance door, which was making some suspicious noises. In case you forgot, yes, the door DID originally crumble into dust, but the group found a spare door lying around and installed it while we were distracted with Abe, Mizutani and Tajima's antics.

Anyway, the gang could only stare in horror as the door handle slowly turned around, the door creaked open, and then… IT entered!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" screamed Sakaeguchi, Nishihiro, Suyama and Izumi. "IT'S BIGNOSE!!!"

"Wait, what?!" said Hanai since he hadn't been present during the story time.

"Guys, that's not funny," whined the creature that had just entered. As the screaming people rubbed their eyes, they quickly came to the realization that the so-called 'creature' was actually Oki, only his nose was larger and more deformed than usual! In case you're familiar with the Lawn Gnomes from Freakazoid, that's what his nose looked like.

"Wait… Oki?!" said Suyama.

"…Yeah," said Oki with a frown.

"OH!!" said Sakaeguchi, Nishihiro and Izumi.

"What happened to your nose, man?!" said Suyama.

"I just had an operation!" Oki explained. "And it'll take a few days before the swelling goes down."

The people present proceeded to practically dive on top of Oki to make sure he was all right, and he assured them that the operation had been very successful and that the swelling WOULD go down in a few days and everything would return to normal.

"Izumi, I noticed something!" said Sakaeguchi after they were done smothering Oki with love and affection. "YOU joined in on the screaming too! It just might mean that you don't hate fun after all!"

Izumi gasped and clutched his head. "You're right!" He paused. "Now I just have to prove to Tajima that I love fun, and I'll be all set!"

"Why are you so obsessed with proving to Tajima that you love fun?" Suyama asked. "Knowing Tajima, he probably wasn't even being serious when he made that comment."

"I have my reasons," said Izumi as he crossed his arms and stuck his nose up into the air. He stood around like that for a second before he suddenly gasped dramatically and turned around to face the others all slow and dramatic-like. "You guys. I just had the best idea EVER. But I'm going to need YOUR help to pull it through!"

Everyone present formed a huddle and started plotting.

***

Abe, Mizutani and Tajima were just about to finish off tonight's snooping and return to their team when they were suddenly interrupted by an ear-piercing scream.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!" RIO came running up to them, followed by Kazuki and Junta.

"Oh. Tosei's here?" Abe said, trying to fool them into thinking he WASN'T just snooping on them.

"Yes," said Rio after catching his breath. He adjusted his collar and cleared his throat. "Hey. …Tajima."

"Hey!" said Tajima. "I remember you!"

"REALLY?" said Rio, his eyes sparkling.

"Yeah, you're that weird guy!" said Tajima happily. "Sup?"

"Well um since we HAPPEN to be located on the same mountain at the same time, maybe you'd like to… hang out… sometime?" Rio tried.

"Sure!" said Tajima. "It'd be fun! Why don't you bring your two friends with you and we can hang out, all four of us?"

"Whoa whoa whoa, FOUR?!" Rio gasped. "No, no, no, four and fun do not mix. Four HATES fun! If four sees fun coming down the street, four takes fun and—"

"I thought that was three," Mizutani intervened. "I saw that episode of Squirrel Boy."

"Yeah well, Kazu-san and Jun-san are practically conjoined," said Rio.

"It's true, we are," said Kazuki and Junta as they looked endearingly at each other.

"Well… whatever!" said Tajima. "It's cool that your team is here! Why don't you drop by cabin number thirteen tomorrow, and we can hang!"

"Cool!" said Rio.

"Don't tell them where we live!" Abe smacked Tajima.

"Ow," said Tajima, smacking Abe back.

"How dare you," said Abe, punching Tajima in the jaw.

"That was unnecessary!" said Tajima, slapping Abe's face.

"Oh now you're just asking for it," Abe replied by bopping Tajima on the head.

"You started it!" Tajima argued, kicking Abe in the stomach.

"Okay, seeya tomorrow then!" said Rio as Tajima and Abe continued unleashing attacks upon each other.

***

Meanwhile, Yoshi and Hatake were sitting around on the second floor of their cabin. They had somehow gotten sidetracked from their protest project and were now talking about how awesome Kano was.

"How awesome Kano IS," Hatake corrected. "Kano WASN'T awesome, he IS awesome."

"Wait, what?" said Yoshi. "By saying that, are you implying that Kano wasn't awesome in the past?"

"NO, you dolt, you KNOW what I meant!" Hatake yelled, smacking Yoshi across the face. "By talking about how awesome Kano WAS, we'd be talking about Kano being awesome as if it were only a thing in the past, when it's NOT!"

"So in other words, we're talking about how awesome Kano was, is, and is going to be?" Yoshi tried. "That way Kano will ALWAYS be awesome."

"That works," said Hatake with a nod. "Hey, what are you going to get Kano for his birthday this year?"

"I haven't thought about it yet!" Yoshi gasped. "I don't even know when my own birthday is."

"Not that THAT'S important!" said Hatake. "All that matters is that we know when KANO'S birthday is!"

"Right you are, Hatake!" said Yoshi.

"Hey, you know how in Christmas Town and Halloween Town the people spend three hundred and sixty-four days a year planning their respective holidays?" Hatake said as a light bulb lit up above his head. "WE should live in KANO Town and spend three hundred and sixty-four days a year planning Kano's birthday!"

"GOOD IDEA, HATAKE!!!" Yoshi bellowed. "That way we'll NEVER be unprepared, and Kano will get the most amazing birthdays EVER!"

"Then let's get planning right away!" Hatake clenched his fists in a determined fashion.

"We should get Miyagawa and Hiiragi to join us too!" said Yoshi.

"Naturally!" said Hatake. The two of them ran down the stairs where Kano was playing Monopoly with Hiiragi and Miyagawa. He was, of course, winning.

All of a sudden, Kano grabbed the whole Monopoly board and tossed it across the room. "THIS IS ALL A LOAD OF BUNK!!" he bellowed. "PLAY SERIOUSLY!!!"

Miyagawa and Hiiragi gasped. "Whatever do you mean?"

"NO ONE is THAT bad at Monopoly!" Kano declared.

"Yeah, you guys are LETTING Kano win, taking away all the challenge!" said Yoshi.

"What's the point anyway?" Hatake sighed. "Everyone knows that Kano is superior to everyone in everything any—"

"YOU shut up too!" Kano yelled. "Remember my blood pressure? Well I'm ANGRY now!"

"GASP!!!" yelled all the Kano hero-worshippers.

"Well if we're bothering you, we might as well let you have some peace and quiet!" said Hatake as he started pushing the others out the front door. "We had some stuff to take care of anyway!"

"Good riddance!" Kano said with a sigh as they closed the door behind them. He turned on the wide-screen plasma television and started watching Eek the Cat.

***

Speaking of which, Sakitama was ALSO currently watching Eek the Cat! Only their television was all tiny and old and black-and-white and there was lots and lots of noise.

"Ooh, ooh, this is the part where Wuz-Wuz's perm comes out!!" Daichi said excitedly. That's when the whole screen started buzzing like crazy. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!! WE'LL MISS IT!!!"

"Pipe down, will ya?" Ichihara groaned.

"Shh, ALL of you pipe down!" Sawamura said suddenly, walking up to the television and flicking it off since it was too old to use a remote control. "I think I heard something."

Everyone listened just as there was a loud thump on the door.

"JUST COME ON IN THROUGH THE LACK OF WALLS," said Ichihara, annoyed.

Sakitama waited. The thumping noise was heard again, only this time it was even louder.

"Well I suppose we should probably just open it," Oyama suggested as he strolled over to the door.

"BE CAREFUL, TAI-SAN!!!" bellowed Daichi.

Oyama carefully opened the door, only to have Mihashi fall on top of him. "Uh?" Oyama said intelligently.

"What's Nishiura's pitcher doing here?" Sawamura asked.

Oyama stood Mihashi up and examined him. "I think he's sleepwalking," he concluded.

"WE MUST BE CAREFUL NOT TO WAKE HIM UP BECAUSE IT'S DANGEROUS TO WAKE UP PEOPLE IN MID-SLEEPWALK!!" Daichi screamed.

"NO, you dolt, that's just a myth!" said Ichihara.

Mihashi started mumbling something. "No Abe… I didn't kill Hanai… don't make… Oki pitch instead of me…" He then slowly turned around and started walking in the opposite direction.

"HE'S KILLING PEOPLE IN HIS SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!" Daichi bellowed.

"That's stupid," said Ichihara.

"Dude, let's follow him," said Sawamura, looking excited.

"Yeah, to make sure he doesn't hurt himself!" said Oyama.

"Can someone please tell me why we don't just wake him up?!" Ichihara practically whined as the four of them snuck out after Mihashi.


End file.
